$12.23 + French Fries OBO

Hey there everyone!

So with the terrible earthquake that occurred down in Chile this week, the rest of the Teletubbies and I all decided to do our part in helping out. You all may not know this, but the Teletubbies are big into charity work. Back in my heyday, when the show was at its peak, I would go out with ugly chicks and fat chicks all the time. I'm talking like 2 or 3 times a week. If that's not charity, well then I don't know what is. And I mean I've got some extra time on my hands these days. What with not having a hit PBS television show anymore... or any job really... or a wife... or friends... or a life.

I don't really do international travel anymore. Not after the amount of time I've spent with TSA agents' hands in places I didn't know I had. Random inspections my ass. I can't walk within 10 feet of an airport without being strip searched. I look like a 250-pound green infant... is that really a threat? Anyway, since I couldn't get down to Chile to help, I figured I would stick around here and raise money for the cause. And what's the best way to raise money for charity? Selling yourself for dates on Craigslist... obviously.

So I put up a listing. It read, "$250 for the night of your life with Dipsy." How could that go wrong? Let me tell you how that could go wrong. After 4 days I've had 3 people contact me thinking I was prostitute, one person wondering if I was renting out some sort of sex toy, and one real offer.... from a guy... for $12.23 and a large order of McDonald's french fries. Temping as this may sound, I did not accept yet.

Looks like it's back to the drawing board.

Sorry Chile - I tried.