Why Leave Out The Big Purple Guy?

Well, I'm stuck here in Japan. My ex-girlfriend sent me a Tele-gramm saying she saw me on the news. Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to spend my spring break in Key West with the crew. Thankfully my fellow's i met here are allowing me to stay with them. The conditions aren't that good though. The whippings hurt. That pain in my rectum hasn't gone away, unknowingly why.

These Japanese inhabitants have me working all day long. It's horrible! I think it's some sort of sweat shop, but I don't know what I'm making. I handle peices of hard rubber all day, and cut them to a length of eight inches. That's my job. Nothing else. I just cut pieces of rubber. My My My!

But at least after work we have playtime. I kind of enjoy that aspect of it. No women, no glamor, but there is still time for me to escape. I have my ex-girlfriend working on finding someone as a set-up to get charged with the murder of Robert McDonald. I'll see how that goes, and until then I hope you all have an absolutely wonderful spring break!

Spring Break 2010: Key West Style

Finally got the chance to see what all the hooplah is about spending spring break in Key West. I met up with the other Teletubbies to kick off spring break. We met in this nice park near the beach. Only thing, while we were trying to get our drink on; several roosters started chasing us around the park. I don't why there is so many roosters in key west. I ran across the street trying to get away from one. That damm rooster chased me clear up the lighthouse.

Well anyway, I was really glad to be back together with the other Teletubbies spending spring break in Key West. There was a lot of really hot ladies hanging out around the southernmost point taking pictures. Lots of the girls there really dig Teletubbies and wanted to have their picture taken with us. We were the talk of the town. We were shown love everywhere we went.

It's about 12:00 noon and I am feeling a bit hungry. I opted for one of hemmingway's favorite places to eat. Talk about a Key West party! Margarita's were being slung from table to table; the sound of Jimmy B was in the air. I felt like I was in tropical heaven! I suddenly felt like this was the opportunity to get the Teletubbies some exposure and back in showbusiness. I left the other teletubbies over at Sloppy Joes, and went to Duval St.

I suddenly found myself on Duval St. doing the famous "Duval Crawl." I had one drink from every bar on on the Strip. I soon started to feel that my better judgement was getting away from me. I let some gorgeous Teletubby groupie drag me back to her hotel room and have her way with me. The next day I woke up with this terrible burning sensation. What can it be? I can't pee! Just my luck, no publicity for the Teletubbies and the only thing I leave key west with is this terrible STD.

What Happens on Spring Break Stays on Spring Break

Hey boys and girls.

So it's spring break and I'm down in the Keys doing what I do best. You know... reminiscing about my former fame, wallowing in my sorrows, drinking away my problems, crying myself to sleep PARTYING and TOTALLY PICKING UP A TON OF CHICKS! You see all the girls in that picture? Scored with all of them. Alright, well maybe not all of them, but definitely that one in the middle. Ok, so I didn't score with her, but we were hooking up the entire night. Fine, we didn't hook up. I just sat there all night and listened to her drunken rant about how her ex-boyfriend always posts pictures on Facebook with new girls and how her parents like her sister more because she married a lawyer. But we totally bonded, I mean she said she thought of me like a brother... which basically means she's way into me.

Anyway, Key West is pretty sick. I've been making myself at home at all the bars up and down Duval Street. Its weird, it turns out we've got a pretty big following down here. Probably has something to do with Tinky Winky and all that talk about his 'alleged homosexuality'. And by 'alleged homosexuality' I mean everyone thinks that guy is gay. Everyone.

I'm probably going to get a tattoo tomorrow. I thought it over one night while I was wasted a lot, and I've decided it's a great idea. Chicks definitely dig tattoos. I just can't decide whether to get a Chinese character that means "STRENGTH", a tribal arm band, or a portrait of that old vacuum cleaner that used to live with us. You know, that old bastard Noo-Noo. They're all such good ideas.

Well listen, I've only got 2 days left down here, so I'm out like a deaf kid in musical chairs.