What Happens on Spring Break Stays on Spring Break

Hey boys and girls.

So it's spring break and I'm down in the Keys doing what I do best. You know... reminiscing about my former fame, wallowing in my sorrows, drinking away my problems, crying myself to sleep PARTYING and TOTALLY PICKING UP A TON OF CHICKS! You see all the girls in that picture? Scored with all of them. Alright, well maybe not all of them, but definitely that one in the middle. Ok, so I didn't score with her, but we were hooking up the entire night. Fine, we didn't hook up. I just sat there all night and listened to her drunken rant about how her ex-boyfriend always posts pictures on Facebook with new girls and how her parents like her sister more because she married a lawyer. But we totally bonded, I mean she said she thought of me like a brother... which basically means she's way into me.

Anyway, Key West is pretty sick. I've been making myself at home at all the bars up and down Duval Street. Its weird, it turns out we've got a pretty big following down here. Probably has something to do with Tinky Winky and all that talk about his 'alleged homosexuality'. And by 'alleged homosexuality' I mean everyone thinks that guy is gay. Everyone.

I'm probably going to get a tattoo tomorrow. I thought it over one night while I was wasted a lot, and I've decided it's a great idea. Chicks definitely dig tattoos. I just can't decide whether to get a Chinese character that means "STRENGTH", a tribal arm band, or a portrait of that old vacuum cleaner that used to live with us. You know, that old bastard Noo-Noo. They're all such good ideas.

Well listen, I've only got 2 days left down here, so I'm out like a deaf kid in musical chairs.